Sarah Brianna Smith and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I should have known today was going to utterly suck. First indication should have been when I slid face first into the glass door at Starbucks. It's not my fault I was distracted by the incredibly gorgeous suit that walked by...It is my (and my flip flop's) fault that I looked like a fool in front of him.  So I leave Starbucks with my venti soy tea latte in hand and head for the doctor. The doc was running late and took her sweet ass time getting to my appointment. Which was totally fine until I got back to my beautiful car and found a not so beautiful love note on her windshield. I've had many arguments with my Father over the years. One epic ongoing one was about being responsible with parking tickets. I think he's being a d bag and he thinks I'm irresponsible. That is why to prove him wrong (and not have to pay racks on racks on racks to the Scarsdale Police Dept.) I decided to be big girl and go straight to the court and pay for my love note.

When I got to the court the lovely lady behind the counter informed me that it was cash or check only. Uhhh I had my debt card (Yes, I intentionally left the i out of that word) which is totes like cash. This is apparently not Scarsdale Court but I time traveled in my beautiful mayonnaise colored vw to prehistoric times when people just took cash. So while huffing and puffing and cursing out Scarsdale I headed back to my time machine to go to the ATM.

I came to a complete stop for quite a few minutes while getting ready to make a left turn into the bank. I was even mad at all of the cars passing and had enough time to get several choice words out before BANG! SMACK! CRASH! My beautiful car, Heidi Farfenschnoogle Bieber, took it up the ass from some big giant German Audi thing who then took it up the ass from some hoopdie that was 3 different shades of rust.

 1) Gang bang before noon? Ugh, that's what I call morning do.

2) Isn't it illegal to have hoopdies in Scarsdale? Clearly this guy got lost on his way to Mt. Vernon.

3) This fucking sucks.

So I get out of my car cursing and huffing and puffing some more about everyone when I see a little girl crying. The soccer mom in the Audi behind me had her kids with her. I think my maternal instincts kicked in sometime between bang and smack (Who knew I had those?!) Before long I was chatting about how my car got the last name Bieber with this little girl while the jaws of life were removing the other cars from each other. Everyone seemed to be fine just a little shaken up except for the hood rat who rear ended us all who was limping all over the place looking for our sympathy. I have very little for that mother fucker. Oh, did I mention it started to pour while all of this was happening? Yep,
Hurricane Irene to rain on my day and make things peachy! Only thing that could have been worse is if we had some more devastating aftershocks from earthquake 2011...