Recently a friend of mine raised the question of the two of us becoming more than just friends. Don't get excited Grandma... he is not a Jewish boy and he just wanted to be "friends with benefits." So he said as part of this concept if I accepted his offer I should come up with some "ground rules" for this type of a relationship. So I've decided not only to put the rules down in this blog but I'm collaborating with a guest blogger for part 2 to share with you a Male's perspective on the topic.
So I've come to the conclusion a woman can not be friends with benefits easily. It takes a lot of hard work to separate sex from emotions (unless you make a living out of it...) First I want to define FWB. I feel that FWB is totally different than a fuck buddy. A fuck buddy is just someone you have casual sex with. There doesn't need to be much conversation with this person other than "I'm going to come." and "I have work early so you can't sleep over." A FWB on the other hand is an actual friend who you have casual sex with. There could be conversation like "How 'bout them Yankees?" and "I like my eggs scrambled with a little cheese." With a Fuck Buddy you will probably go out with your friends and let him go out with his friends and meet around 4am when you're tipsy enough to make some fun mistakes. With a FWB you could hang out together in a group situation and just end up going home together. So keeping the FWB definition that I have made up in mind lets get to these ground rules.
1) Don't fall in love. This is the rule that trumps all other rules. He is not Justin Timberlake and this is not a movie. Don't kid yourself. You might be thinking all of these gushy things but he is not thinking them as well. To your FWB, this is just about sex. If you start to have feelings end things immediately. You're only going to hurt yourself by staying in this kind of a relationship.
2) No hooking up with anyone else in each other's presence. If we are out at a bar I do not want to see you talking to the Blonde (of course she is blonde, they are all easy!) in the corner all night. If you do that when I am not around that is cool but have some respect for me. Also tied into this rule... I know my friends are hot but they aren't going to sleep with you out of respect for me so don't hit on them.
3) No talk about our future. The future is now and so help me if I hear you say something about a white picket fence and a dog I'm gonna crack you in the jaw. Pronouns like us and we are strictly prohibited. Acceptable future talk can come in the form of sext and must include what you want to do with me later tonight.
4) No one on one dates. I know we might both want to see the same movie but we can not go together.
That would constitute as a date and we are not dating.
5) You are not meeting my family and I don't want to meet yours. We are friends who get it on and that is the extent of it. You are not going to be my date to my cousin's Bat Mitzvah and I don't want to be your date to your family reunion.
6) Be fair to your FWB. If you meet someone end things nicely and you can continue to have a friendship after. Don't get mad if your FWB meets someone first and ends things with you. All good things must come to an end eventually. Just think back fondly on those fun nights you spent with your FWB.
Ladies if you think you can comply with these rules feel free to bone away! If you can't don't feel bad (most women can't do it!) just be happy with what you have. Don't try to force something that isn't there. Happiness isn't about getting what you want it's about loving what you have.
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