Friends with Benefits part 2... the man's perspective.

I've always found the term 'friends with benefits' to be a bit odd. To say this is to imply that other types of friendships aren't beneficial.  In fact, sometimes it's these friends with 'benefits' arrangements that are least fulfilling and most draining, frustrating and downright ugly. They can be either a drama-free Big-‘O-filled blessing, or a clingy, not-at-all worth-it curse. All end up being the latter; it’s just a matter of time. The chemistry of the female species ensures this. They’re like the accident that you can’t look away from, or the couple fighting that you can’t help but listen to. Throw in a few sleepless nights, some back-seat fun, and that’s what keeps us going having these FWBs at risk of the inevitable blow-up.

 That being said, as a guy, I categorize relationships into two categories: ‘exclusive dating’, and ‘getting it in’- even if it’s just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels. Friends with benefits, fuck buddies, they’re all the same to us. To make your FWB arrangement last as long as possible (for the exclusive relationships, you’re on your own) and to keep things from getting weird, i.e. cutting down on the drama that you’re subjected to, lay out some ground rules. True, she will break them eventually, but you can’t say you didn’t try. 

1)     Lay out your rules up front-Set expectations.  I’d like to think that most guys, like myself, can adapt to the situation. If it’s hot, steamy late night sex that she wants, I’m happy to oblige. All I have to hear (or say) is that nothing more will come out of this arrangement, and that’s good enough for me. One-on-one hanging out is fine because I know where I’m going to wind up later and for what purpose.

2)     Don’t talk about your past relationships- I don’t want to hear it. If I wanted to hear you complain about how bad he treated you, or that you don’t know why you put up with him for so long, I’d marry you. Then we’d have the rest of our lives together so you could talk my ear off. With this, also goes- keep the insecure comments to a minimum. I mean yes, we’re friends, but I’m not listening to anything you’re saying  (‘What? I cunt hear you! I must have an ear infucktion’!). I’m  just thinking about what I’m going to do to you later and how I can segue into smoothly pulling out the handcuffs later. (Since my grandma refuses to use computers, I guess I’ll apologize to Sarah’s)

3)     Family is out- I don’t want to meet your mom. At the risk of agreeing with a woman, I do in this case agree with the beautiful blogger below. If I meet your mom and reluctantly accept her fresh lemonade to drink, I’ll feel bad next time I’m hitting ‘that’ spot knowing that she thinks we’re just friends. Or worse- I’ll replay in my mind the scene where she thinks we’re dating.

4)     Jealousy, No one likes it- I won’t hook up with other people (okay, okay, I’ll try not to let you find out that I am), so don’t drop those comments and questions that you women are so good at hoping to get a reaction out of. We both know whatever the reaction is, you’re still going to pick a fight. Like this, you twat:

5)     I’m a FWB, not a pet sitter- Remember: we’re NOT DATING. I like your pussy(cat), but I’m not going to go and feed it while you’re away. And I certainly don’t want your pet at my house. When I’m at your place, I’ll put up with your pussy for pussy’s sake. That’s it.

6)     The final and most important rule- Know when enough is enough! You’ve been hitting it. Now quit it. Save the drama for relationships, not FWB.  

If you (and more importantly she) can follow these simple rules and keep things casual without strings, you’ve got something good going.  Just remember though; the blow-up is inevitable, life is short, women are crazy, and some things never change.