So, I'm going to admit something for all of you to read... I, Sarah Smith, was dumped via text earlier this summer. I know it might be hard to believe. I can't imagine how anyone would want to break up with a girl who is so loving that she serenades her two cats with Nsync and Justin Bieber hits. Totally wifey material... Really though, I had emotionally checked out weeks before I received the text so there was no real surprise when I got the message. The only surprise was that people do that in the first place. I think we should play a little game called lets decode the coward's (misspelled) text!
What the text said: "No go for this weekend I want to give our friends their alone time...Think we should just be friends, been thinkin alot about it lately and dont see us as more than that. Sorry I didnt talk about this sooner just wasnt sure until I thought about it intensly."
What the text really means: We aren't going away with our friends this weekend. I'm a pussy so I'm going to hide behind a text and I'm going to lie and say our friends need alone time. In reality, I need alone time. I'm just not that into you. I'm going to be nice about it and say we should be "just friends" but really I'm not going to speak to you again until we awkwardly run into each other. (Side note: I am totally making my next encounter with this guy even more awkward by posting this blog. Awesome.)
Now I don't think anyone should be broken up with via text whether you have been together two years or two days it is just as shitty. Everyone should be adult enough to at least pick up the phone and call someone and honesty is always the way to go. Men, I'm going to do you a favor and create a generic text message for you to use because lets face it... you're not going to do the right thing in these situations.
When you are pulling a "Joe Jonas" you should say:
" This isn't working out. I think we should just go our separate ways. I know I am going to regret this years from now because you are amazing. I'm sure that when I do wake up and realize what an idiot I am it will be the day you are marrying Justin (Bieber or Timberlake). I'd just like to remind you I am doing you a favor... 10 years from now I am going to be 30 lbs. heavier and you are going to still be just as hot as ever. Best Wishes."
You should make sure after you send the text to send over a bottle of Jameson. It helps soften the blow of being dumped in douchiest way possible.
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